Tuesday, December 1, 2009

This blog is pretty emo. You have been warned.

Hello. Sorry I haven't been around here in a few weeks. Life is shiteous right now.

I had my wisdom teeth taken out over Thanksgiving break, so I was pretty useless all last week. That's not why life is shiteous, though. The surgery went well, and I recovered in a few days. However, my bottom left tooth area is still constantly hurting. I'm guessing he must have hit a nerve during the surgery. I'm hoping it stops hurting soon. It would be really nice to be able to open my mouth all the way.

So here's how life became shiteous.

Step 1. I have a certain professor who hates my stinking guts. Granted, the feeling is mutual, but I'm definitely the one who has more to lose. I suppose she has her reasons. The way she makes us write lesson plans is absolutely ridiculous, so I did poorly on my first few until I got the hang of it. I've been dealing with some pretty extenuating circumstances this semester, so I've been late on some assignments. I canceled a meeting with her on pretty short notice because I was having an emotional breakdown (it was two days after my grandfather's funeral), so she thinks I'm an inconsiderate slacker. I don't think there's anything I can do to change her mind. When she did try to talk to me about my life shortly before Thanksgiving break, she was completely insensitive and actually had the gall to ask me how my grandfather would feel if he knew I was doing poorly in her class. Wouldn't he want me to move on? That was the final straw. I cannot cooperate with someone so heinously inappropriate. Except, oh yeah. I'm trying to graduate this year. FML.

Step 2. Said professor decides to do some snooping around (that's my biggest problem with this school - professors always talk ABOUT you before they talk TO you) to see if I'm always a terrible student or just in her class. And of course she asks the professor who taught the ONE class I've ever had to retake (which was only because I had mono and had to miss too many classes). So now she's got the whole education department talking about me and thinking I'm a bad egg. Couldn't any of them bother to notice that I've maintained a 3.4 GPA? Clearly I'm a not a dropout risk.

Step 3. The professor whose class I had to retake happens to be the head of the education department. I was supposed to have my pre-student teaching interview today, but yesterday he sent me an e-mail notifying me that he has postponed said meeting in light of more pressing issues. I assume that these pressing issues are the ones I've already mentioned, though I'm also behind in my other education class. :-/ Did I mention it's been a really rough semester for me? Shit. So tomorrow morning at 9 AM I have to meet with all of the education faculty plus Dr. Thorn (my music ed adviser) so that they can "discuss" with me why I suck. I am completely terrified and tend to cry spontaneously (like when I see books? Lol @ communitychannel reference.) whenever I think about it. I guess it's good practice for tomorrow morning, as I will surely cry throughout the entire meeting.

So there you go. There are less than three weeks left in this semester, and I have absolutely no idea if they're going to let me student teach in January. This is my ninth semester at this school. I like my school, but I absolutely cannot stand to be here any longer. I would rather drop out and work at Blockbuster for the rest of my life.

Would I sound like a total prick if I pointed out how completely unfair it is that they're treating me this way? Other than this semester and that one other class, my school record is pretty good. I know people with abysmal GPA's, people who have had to retake multiple classes two or three times but were still passed through for student teaching. My GPA is good. My PRAXIS scores were exceptional. I even got a certificate in the mail for scoring in the top 15% of everyone who has EVER taken the grades 7-12 PLT test, along with a letter congratulating me for my scores and thanking me for being dedicated to excellence in the field of education. I'm not incredibly confident as a teacher yet, but I get better at teaching lessons every time I teach in a real classroom. I had finally managed to have a bit faith in myself as a future teacher. Why can't anyone at this school have faith in me? Ok, Dr. Thorn does have faith me, but I feel like everyone in the education department just wants to see me defeated.

Well. That went on for a lot longer than I meant it to. Clearly I am not in a good place right now. It gets worse when I check Twitter and see that other people are having lazy nights and watching movies or attending the Fiesta Movement party in L.A. People on DailyBooth and Twitter have wished me luck and told me not to worry, I'll make it. For once I really don't know if I will.

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  1. I've read your blog/watched your videos for a while now but have never commented. I'm really sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you right now, Kaitlyn. Hang in there, and I hope things get better soon <3

  2. I'm so sorry that things are so awful at the moment :( :( Hope the meeting with your professor people went better than you feared.xx

  3. Hey, I've been reading your blog for awhile, but have yet to comment. I'm sorry to hear about all of this. I'm also going to school for education and it can be rough. Keep your head up if you can and best of luck to you!

  4. I so want to be a mature adult about this but all I really, really, deperately want to do is curse obscenties at this professor. I can only imagine what you want to say to her ;) Asking you if your grandpa would want you to just move on? Everyone's amount of grief and how they deal with it and how long it takes them is completely different. Sorry, it sounds like she would go back to normal life the next day after losing someone without a thought about the loss she just experienced. In the words of the good old Charlie Brown, "Good Grief!"

    I'm praying things will get better for you. You accept prayers on your behalf, yes. (some people get weirded out by the idea, so...yeah)

    Long comment over : )

  5. hey kaitlyn! ugh, i wish i could seriously kick that professors ass for treating you like dirt! (sorry if that sounds too violent. eep!) BUT SERIOUSLY! WHAT AN INCONSIDERATE TWIT! all i can really say, from my heart, is that i hope all goes well in your meeting tomorrow. you go ahead and fight for what you KNOW you have earned! you have busted your ass and totally AK'ed the PRAXIS exam out of this world! keep your chin up and dont let those butt holes bring you down or tell you that you arent capable of being an awesome teacher. once you win this fight, you will be so much stronger in character! show those assholes what youre made off!!! the best of luck tomorrow!!!

    <3 Maribel

  6. I'm sorry things aren't working out. I know what you mean about having people judge you and think you can't do something without really knowing you. It sucks and unfortunately you and I have chosen career paths where that will probably happen to us a lot. I actually think your meeting won't go as badly as you think it will. Like you said, you literally have proof of your success with your high GPA, scores and certificates. They are wrong to jump the gun on determining your success and I'm sure they'll realise that once you show them.

    Good luck and I hope things get better! : )